posted June 19, 2000 10:58 AM            

God damn that DJ made my day!

posted July 04, 2000 11:08 PM            

oh, and the "t'aint" is that spot between the scrotum and the anus on a man. Cosmopolitan magazine says that it is so named because it ain't the penis and it ain't the anus... but I think that's a pretty lame way to name something. I'm not convinced that it needs a snappy, convenient name at all, really... if you really have to talk about it, you can explain or bloody point to it.

As for rhyming things...

The comparison of equine to piscene speed constitutes / my embarrassing, weakminded Nicene Creed substitute.

posted July 05, 2000 10:08 AM            

------------------
I think there's some carrot-flavored love stuff down aisle 9. - babs

posted July 07, 2000 09:15 AM            

I wanna rock right now.
I'm Rob Base and I came to get down
I'm not internationally know
But I'm known throughout the microphone
Becuase I get stupid
I mean outrageous
Stay away from me
If you're contagious
Cuz I'm a winner, no not a loser
To be an MC, is what I choose
Ladies love me, girls adore me
I mean even the ones who never saw me
like the way that I rhyme at a show
The reason why, man, I don't know,
So let's go cuz

It takes two to make a thing go right.
It takes two to make it outta sight.

(I could do the whole thing, but I'll spare y'all)

------------------
I think there's some carrot-flavored love stuff down aisle 9. - babs

posted July 07, 2000 09:26 AM            

awwwyeah. Digital Underground kicks ass. (I'd like to send a shout out to the whole world...)

posted July 07, 2000 10:35 AM            

I was just wondering if there were any young
Ladies in the house down to tickle my perineum
Being a gentleman, I'd pick 'em all geraniums
And leave 'em with a satisfied glow, like uranium...
(I might then go on to talk about my cranium or something, but that's not pertinent just now^_^)

posted July 07, 2000 11:49 AM            

Spatch- You rock my world! Peace and humptiness forever.

OK, here's the siutation. My parents went away on a weeks vacation and they left the keys to the brand new Porsche. Are they mine? Hmm...Well..of course not. I'll just take it for a littele spin and maybe show it off to a couple of friends. I'll just cruise it around the neighborhood. Well, maybe I shouldn't...Yeah, of course I should.

Pay attention, here's the thick of the plot. I pulled up to corner at the end of my block. That's when I saw this beautiful girlie girl walking. I picked up my carphone to perpertrate like I was talking. You should have seen this girl's bodily dimensions. I honked my horn just to get her attention. She said "Was that for me?" I said "Yeah." She said "Why?" I said "C'mon and take a ride witha hell of a guy." She said "How do I know you're not sick? You could be some deranged lunatic." I said "C'mon, tootz, my name is The Prince. Besides, would a lunatic have a Porshe like this?" She agreed and we were on our way. She was looking very good. So was I, I must say, word. We hit McDonalds, pulled into teh drive, we order 2 big macs, with 2 large fries and cokes. She kicked her shoes off onto the floor. She said "Drive fast, speed turns me on. She put her hand on my knee, I put my foot on the gas. We almost got whiplash, we took off so fast. now the roof was open, the music was high, and this girl's hand was steadly moving up my thigh. She had opened up 3 buttons on her shirt so far. I guess that's why I didn't notice that police car. We were doing 90 in my mom's new porshe and to make this long story short, short, when the cop pulled me over I was scared as hell. I said "I don't have a licence but I drive very well officer." I almost had a heart attack that day. Come to find out the girl was a 12-year-old runaway. I was arrested, the car was impounded. There was no way for me to avoid being grounded. My parents had to come home from vacation to get me. I'd rather be in jail than to have my father hit me. When my folks walked up, I got my grip. I said "Uh, Mom, Dad...HOW WAS YOUR TRIP?!" They didn't speak. I said "I wanna plead my case!" But my father just shooved in the car by my face. It was a hard ride home. I don't know how I survived it. They took turns - one would beat me while the other one was driving. I can't believe it. I just made a mistake. Well, parents are the same no matter time nor place. So I'm telling all you kids all across the land. Take it from me, parents just don't understand.

(And if you think THAT was long, just be glad I didn't do the 1st verse too!!)

Word.

posted July 07, 2000 03:00 PM            

That is all.

posted July 08, 2000 10:57 PM            

...it's too bad Will Smith turned superwack after the hot lights of sitcom stardom fried his brain. Ahh well.

...

yo, here's a little story that needs to be heard:
I was going downtown, ("Word, Rick?") Word.
All by myself, no-one to be with
I hopped on the D Train at two-hundred-and-fifth
I saw a pretty girl ("So?") so I sat beside her
Then she went "RAAHR!" like I was Tony the Tiger!
I said, "Oh no, honey, there's been a mistake,
You see my name is Ricky D, not frosty flakes!"
Oh, golly-wolly, she was raising hell!
She said "My name is Maggie, but call me Michelle"
Michelle, ma belle, seme des mots qui vent tres bien ensemble, tres bien ensemble
Slick Rick and I'm a rock the house, know what I'm saying?
And when I'm on the mic, there won't be no delaying
So bust a move, we show and prove
Hey yo Doug, do that record jam on the groove!

posted July 10, 2000 09:48 AM            

I said a hip hop,
Hippie to the hippie,
The hip, hip a hop, and you don't stop, a rock it
To the bang bang boogie, say, up jump the boogie,
To the rhythm of the boogie, the beat.
Now, what you hear is not a test - I'm rappin' to the beat,
And me, the groove, and my friends are gonna try to move your feet.
See, I am Wonder Mike, and I'd like to say hello,
To the black, to the white, the red and the brown,
The purple and yellow. But first, I gotta
Bang bang, the boogie to the boogie,
Say up jump the boogie to the bang bang boogie,
Let's rock, you don't stop,
Rock the rhythm that'll make your body rock.
Well so far you've heard my voice but I brought two friends along,
And the next on the mic is my man Hank,
C'mon, Hank, sing that song!

Check it out, I'm the C-A-S-A, the N-O-V-A,
And the rest is F-L-Y,
You see I go by the code of the doctor of the mix,
And these reasons I'll tell you why.
You see, I'm six foot one, and I'm tons of fun
When I dress to a T,
You see, I got more clothes than Muhammad Ali
and I dress so viciously.
I got bodyguards, I got two big cars
That definitely ain't the wack,
I got a Lincoln Continental and a sunfoofed Cadillac.
So after school I take a dip in the pool,
Which is really on the wall,
I got a colour TV, so I can see
The Knicks play basketball. Hear me talk about
Checkbooks, credit cards, mo' money
Than a sucker could ever spend,
But I wouldn't give a sucker or a bum form the Rucker
Not a dime 'til I made it again. Everybody go
Ho-tel, Mo-tel, Whatcha gonna do today? (Say what?)
'Cos I'm a get a fly girl,
Gonna get some spank n' drive off in a def OJ. Everybody go
Ho-tel, Mo-tel, Holiday Inn,
Say if your girl starts actin' up, then you take her friend.
Master Gee! My mellow!
It's on to you, so whatcha gonna do?

Well, it's on'n'n'on'n'on on'n'on,
The beat don't stop until the break of dawn.
I said M-A-S, T-E-R, a G with a double E,
I said I go by the unforgettable name
Of the man they call the Master Gee.
Well, my name is known all over the world
By all the foxy ladies and the pretty girls.
I'm goin' down in history
As the baddest rapper there ever could be.
Now I'm feelin' the highs and you're feelin' the lows,
The beat starts gettin' into your toes
You start poppin' your fingers and stompin' your feet
And movin' your body while while you're sitting in your seat
And then damn! Ya start doin' the freak, I said
Damn! Right outta your seat
Then you throw your hands high in the air,
Ya rockin' to the rhythm, shake your derriere
Ya rockin' to the beat without a care,
With the sureshot MCs for the affair.
Now, I'm not as tall as the rest of the gang
But I rap to the beat just the same.
I got a little face, and a pair of brown eyes
All I'm here to do, ladies, is hypnotize
Singin' on'n'n'on'n'on on'n'on,
The beat don't stop until the break of dawn
Singin' on'n'n'on'n'on on'n'on,
Like a hot buttered pop da pop da pop dibbie dibbie
Pop da pop pop, don't you dare stop
Come alive y'all, gimme whatcha got
I guess by now you can take a hunch
And find that I am the baby of the bunch
But that's okay, I still keep in stride,
'Cos all I'm here to do is just wiggle your behind
Singin' on'n'n'on'n'on on'n'on,
The beat don't stop until the break of dawn.
Singin' on'n'n'on'n'on on'n'on,
Rock rock, y'all, throw it on the floor
I'm gonna freak you here, I'm gona freak you there,
I'm gonna move you outta this atmosphere.
'Cos I'm one of a kind and I'll shock your mind
I'll put TNT in your behind. I said
One, two, three, four, come on, girls, get on the floor
A-come alive, y'all, a-gimme whatcha got
'Cos I'm guaranteed to make you rock
I said one, two, three, four, tell me, Wonder Mike
What are you waiting for?

I said a hip hop,
The hippie to the hippie
The hip hip a hop, and you don't stop, a rock it
To the bang bang boogie, say up jump the boogie,
To the rhythm of the boogie, the beat.
A Skiddleebebop, we rock, scooby doo,
And guess what, America, we love you
'Cos you rocked and a rolled with so much soul,
You could rock 'til a hundred and one years old.
I don't mean to brag, I don't mean to boast,
But we like hot butter on our breakfast toast
Rock it up, Baby Bubba!
Baby Bubba to the boogie da bang bang da boogie
To the beat, beat, it's unique
Come on everybody and dance to the beat!

A hip hop
The hippie to the hippie the
Hip hip a hop and you don't stop, rock it
Rock it out, Baby Bubba to the boogie da bang bang
The boogie to the boogie, the beat.
I said, I can't wait 'til the end of the week
When I'm rappin' to the rhythm of a groovy beat
And I attempt to raise your body heat.
Just blow your mind, so you can't speak
And do a thing but a-rock and shuffle your feet
And let it change up to a dance called the freak
And when you finally do come into your rhythmic beat,
Reast a little while so you don't get weak.
I know a man named Hank
He has more rhymes than a serious bank
So come on Hank, sing that song,
To the rhythm of the boogie, the bang bang da bong!

Well, I'm Imp the Dimp, the ladies' pimp,
The women fight for my delight.
But I'm the grandmaster with the three MCs
That shock the house for the young ladies
And when you come inside, into the front,
You do the freak, spank, and do the bump
And when the sucker MC try to prove a point,
We're a treacherous trio, we're the serious joint!
a-From sun to sun and from time to time
I sit down and write a brand new rhyme
Because they say that miracles never cease
I've created a devastating masterpiece
I'm gonna rock the mic 'til you can't resist,
Everybody, I say it goes like this
Well, I was walking home late one afternoon
A reporter stopped me for an interview
She said she's heard stories and she's heard fables
That I'm vicious on the mic and the turntable
This young reporter I did adore,
So I rocked some vicious rhymes like I never did before
She said, "Damn, fly guy, I'm in love with you
The Casanova legend must have been true"
I said, "By the way, baby, what's your name?"
Said, "I go by name of Lois Lane
And you could be my boyfriend, you surely can,
Just let me quit my boyfriend called Superman."
I said, "He's a fairy, I do suppose
Flyin' through the air in pantyhose
He may be very sexy, or even cute,
But he looks like a sucker in a blue and red suit,"
I said, "You need a man man who's got finesse
And his whole name across his chest
He may be able to fly all through the night,
But can he rock a party 'til the early light?
He can't satisfy you with his little worm,
But I can bust you out with my super sperm!"
I go do it, I go do it, I go do it, do it, do it.
An' I'm here an' I'm there, I'm Big Ban Hank, I'm everywhere
Just throw your hands up in the air
And party hardy like you just don't care
Let's do it, don't stop, y'all, a tick tock, y'all, you don't stop!
Go ho-tel, mo-tel, whatcha gonna do today? (Say what?)
I'm gonna get a fly girl, gonna get some spank, drive off in a def OJ,
Everybody go, "Ho-tel, mo-tel, Holiday Inn"
You say if your girl starts actin' up, then you take her friend
I say skip, dive, what can I say?
I can't fit 'em all inside my OJ,
So I just tak half, and bust 'em out,
I give the rest to Master Gee so he can shock the house
It was twelve o'clock one Friday night
I was rockin' to the beat and feelin' all right
Everybody was dancin' on the floor
Doin' all the things they never did before
And then this fly girl with a sexy lean
She came into the bar, she came into the scene
She travelled deeper inside the room
All the fellas checked out her white Sassoons
She came up to the table, looked into my eyes
Then she turned around and shook her behind
So I said to myself, it's time for me to release
My vicious rhyme I call my masterpiece
And now people in the house, this is just for you
A little rap to make you boogaloo
Now the group you hear is called Phase Two
And let me tell you somethin', we're a helluva crew
Once a week, we're on the street
Just to cut in the jams and look at your feet
For you to party, you gotta have the moves,
So we'll get right down and get you a groove
For you to dance, you got to be hot
So we'll get right down and make you rock
Now the system's on and the girls are there
You definitely have a rockin' affair
But let me tell you somethin', there's still one fact
And to have a party, you got to have a rap
So when the party's over, you're makin' it home,
And tryin' to sleep before the break of dawn
And while you're sleepin', you start to dream,
And thinkin' how you danced on the disco scene
My name appears in your mind,
Yeah, a name you know that was right on time
It was Phase Two just doin' a do
Rockin' you down 'cos you knew we could
To the rhythm of the beat that makes you freak,
Come alive girls, get on your feet
To the rhythm of the beat to the beat the beat
To the double beat beat that makes you freak
To the rhythm of the beat that says you go on
On'n'on into the break of dawn
Now I got a man comin' on right now
He's garuanteed to throw down
He goes by the name of Wonder Mike
Come on, Wonder Mike, do what you like!

I say a can of beer that's sweeter than honey,
Like a millionaire that has no money
Like a rainy day that is not wet,
Like a gamblin' fiend that does not bet
Like Dracula without his fangs,
Like the boogie to the boogie without the boogie bang
Like collard greens that don't taste good,
Like a tree that's not made out of wood
Like goin' up and not comin' down,
Is just like the beat without the sound, no sound
To the beat beat, you do the freak
Everybody just rock and dance to the beat
Have you ever went over a friends house to eat
And the food just ain't no good?
The macaroni's soggy, the peas are mushed,
And the chicken tastes like wood
So you try to play it off like you think you can
By saying that you're full
And then your friend says, "Mama, he's just being polite
He ain't finished, uh-uh, that's bull!"
So your heart starts pumpin' and you think of a lie
And you say that you already ate
And your friend says "Man, there's plenty of food"
So you pile some more on your plate
While the stinky food's steamin', your mind starts to dreamin'
Of the moment that it's time to leave
And then you look at your plate and your chicken's slowly rottin'
Into something that looks like cheese
Oh so you say "That's it, I gotta leave this place
I don't care what these people think,
I'm just sittin' here makin' myself nauseous
With this ugly food that stinks"
So you bust out the door while it's still closed
Still sick from the food you ate
And then you run to the store for quick relief
From a bottle of Kaopectate
And then you call your friend two weeks later
To see how he has been
And he says, "I understand about the food,
Baby Bubba, but we're still friends"
With a hip hop the hippie to the hippie
The hip hip a hop, a you don't stop the rockin'
To the bang bang boogie
Say up jump the boogie to the rhythm of the boogie the beat
I say, "Hank, can ya rock?
Can ya rock to the rhythm that just don't stop?
Can ya hip me to the shoobie doo?"
I said, "Come on, make, make the people move!"

I go to the balls and then ring the bell
Because I am the man with the clientele
And if ya ask me why I rock so well,
A Big Bang, I got clientele
And from the time I was only six years old
I never forgot what I was told
It was the best advice I ever had
It came from my wise, dear old dad
He said, "Sit down, punk, I wanna talk to you
And don't say a word until I'm through
Now there's a time to laugh, a time to cry
A time to live and a time to die
A time to break and a time to chill
To act civilized or act real ill
But whatever you do in your lifetime
You never let an MC steal your rhyme"
So from six to six 'til this very day
I'll always remember what he had to say
So when the sucker MCs try to chump my style
I let them know that I'm versatile
I got style, finesse, and a little black book
That's filled with rhymes and I know you wanna look
But the thing that seperates you from me
And that is called originality
Because my rhymes are on from what you heard
I didn't even bite, not a go---word
And I say a little more, later on tonight
So the sucker MCs can bite all night
A tick a tock, y'all, a beat beat, y'all
A let's rock, y'all, you don't stop
Ya go, "Ho-tel, mo-tel, whatcha gonna do today?" (Say what?)
Ya say, "I'm gonna get a fly girl, gonna get some spank and
Drive off in a def OJ"
Everybody go, "Ho-tel, mo-tel, Holiday Inn"
Ya say if your girl starts actin' up, then you take her friends
A like that, y'all, to the beat, y'all
Beat beat y'all, ya don't stop!
A Master Gee, my mellow
It's on to you so whatcha gonna do?

Well, like Johnny Carson on the Late Show
A like Frankie Crocker in stereo
Well like the Barkay's singin' "Holy Ghost"
The sounds to throw down, they're played the most
It's like my man Captain Sky
Whose name he earned with his super sperm
We rock and we don't stop
Get off, y'all, I'm here to give you whatcha got
To the beat that it makes you freak
And come alive, girl, get on your feet
A like a Perry Mason without a case
Like Farrah Fawcett without her face
Like the Barkays on the mic
Like gettin' down right for you tonight
Like movin' your body so you don't know how
Right to the rhythm and throw down
Like comin' alive to the Master Gee
The brother who rocks so viciously
I said the age of one, my life begun
At the age of two I was doin' the do
At the age of three, it was you and me
Rockin' to the sounds of the Master Gee
At the age of four, I was on the floor
Givin' all the freaks what they bargained for
At the age of five I didn't take no jive
With the Master Gee it's all the way live
At the age of six I was a-pickin' up sticks
Rappin' to the beat, my stick was fixed
At the age of seven, I was rockin' in heaven
Don'tcha know I went off
I gotta run on down to the beat you see
Gettin' right on down, makin' all the girls
Just take off their clothes to the beat the beat
To the double beat beat that makes you freak
At the age of eight, I was really great
'Cause every night, you see, I had a date
At the age of nine, I was right on time
'Cause every night I had a party rhyme
Going on'n'n'on'n' on on'n'on
The beat don't stop until the break of dawn
A sayin' on'n'n'on'n' on on'n'on
Like a hot buttered de pop pop de popcorn...

*collapse*

posted July 10, 2000 11:15 AM            

You go, you rappin' scrappy.

------------------
I think there's some carrot-flavored love stuff down aisle 9. - babs

posted July 10, 2000 11:30 AM            

Ayuh.

posted July 10, 2000 01:29 PM            

*hands the card to JD*

It only works once, so use it wisely. And don't abuse this, or the wrath will be formidable. You may never rap again.

------------------
I think there's some carrot-flavored love stuff down aisle 9. - babs

posted July 10, 2000 07:03 PM            

Yooouuuuu, you got what I nee-eeed.
But you say, "He's just a friend."
Yes, you say, "He's just a friend."
Oh, baby, yoouuuuu, you got what I nee-eeed.
But you say, "He's just a friend."
Yes, you say, "He's just a friend."

posted July 10, 2000 07:30 PM            

Plus bonus points 'cause yer last name's an adverb and a movie reference.

------------------
-=> Toon

"Job Shmob, get me out of this jello filled cube!" --Bom

posted October 11, 2000 05:22 PM            

This here's a tale for all the fellas
Try to do what those ladies tell us
Get shot down cuz you're overzealous
Play hard to get and females get jealous
OK smarty, go to a party
Girls are dancing with scantily clad bodies
A chick walks by, you wish you could sex her
but she's in another world like you was Poindexter
Next day's function, high class luncheon
Food is served and you're stone cold munching
Music comes on, people start to dance
But then you ate so much you nearly split your pants.
A girl starts walking, guys start gawking
Sits down next to you and starts talking
Says she wants to dance cuz she likes to groove
So come on Fatso and just Bust a Move

If you want it, you got.
If you want it, Baby, you got it

You're on a mission and you're wishing
Someone could cure your lonely condition
Looking for love in all the wrong places
No fine girls just ugly faces.

From frustration, first inclination
is to become a monk and leave the situation
But every dark tunnel has a light of hope,
so don't hang yourself with a celibate rope.
A movie's showing, so you're going
could care less about the 5 you're blowing'
Theater gets dark just to start the show
then you spot a fine woman sitting in your row
She's dressed in yellow, she says hello
Come sit next to me, you fine fellow
You run over there without a second to lose
and what comes next, hey bust a move.

In the city ladies look pretty
guys tell jokes so they can seem witty
Tell a funny joke just to get some play
Then you try to make a move and she says No way
Girls are fakin', goodness sakin'
They want a man who brings home the bacon.
Got no money and you got no car?
Then you got no woman, and there you are
Some girls are sadistic, materialistic,
Looking for a man makes them opportunistic,
They're lying on the beach perpetrating a tan
So that a brother with the money can be their man
So on the beach you're strollin', real high rollin'
everything you have is yours and not stolen.
A girl runs up with something to prove
so don't just stand there, bust a move

Your best friend Harry has a brother Larry
In five days from now he's gonna marry.
He's hoping you can make it there if you can,
Cuz in the ceremony you'll be the best man
You say neato, check your libido
and roll to the church in your new tuxedo
The bride walks down just to start the wedding
and there's one more girl you won't be getting.
So you start thinking, then you start blinking
A bridsemaid looks and thinks that you're winking
She thinks you're kinda cute so she winks back
And now you're feeling really firm cuz the girl is stacked
Receptions jumping, bass is pumping
look at the girl, and your heart starts thumping
Says she wants to dance to a different groove
Now you know what to do, 'til you bust a move.

If you want it, you got.
If you want it, Baby, you got it
Move it, boy.

posted October 11, 2000 07:16 PM            

bum bum bum ba ba bum bum

"all right stop, collaborate and listen!
ice is back with my brand new invention
something, grabs a hold of me tightly
flow like a harpoon daily and nightly
will it ever stop?
yo, i don't know
turn out the lights, and i'll glow
to the extreme i rock the mike like a vandal
light up the-AGGRRRGGRRrgghhhhh....

*Killian's begins to be choked by various members of the board.....*

*intresting note: both Vanilla Ice and Brittney Spears have forever stained their souls by both doing a (bad) cover of one of the greatest rock n' roll songs ever: "Satisfaction" by the Roling Stones.

we can only hope that Brittney's career will follow the same path as Vanilla's.

Word.

(ed. because i'm from the streets. word to your mother's uncle.)
----------------

i dream of rain, A LAY DEE A LAY!!

posted October 11, 2000 07:45 PM            

*ducks*

IP: Logged

posted October 11, 2000 10:06 PM            

heheh.

posted October 11, 2000 11:24 PM            

*reaches into his big bag of nothing*

*must improv*

uh, um....
Why do I do this? I know I can't contribute. And now everybody's looking at me, and I have to think of something, aaand the lights are blink-in, I'm think-in,
It's all over when I go out drink-in.
OH! Makin' my mind slow.
That's why I don't fuck with the big 4 Oh,
Bro, I got to maintain,
'cause a nigger like me is goin' insane!
Insane in the membrane!
Insane in the brain!

*sweats*

posted October 12, 2000 06:16 AM            

Hold it now and watch the hoodwink
As I make you stop, think
You’ll think you’re looking at Aquaman
I summon fish to the dish,
Although I like the Chalet Swiss
I like the sushi
‘Cause it’s never touched a frying pan

Hot like wasabe when I bust rhymes
Big like Leann Rimes
Because I’m all about value
Bert Kaempfert’s got the mad hits
You try to match wits
You try to hold me but I bust through

Gonna make a break and take a fake
I’d like a stinkin, achin shake
I like vanilla, It’s the finest of the flavors
Gotta see the show,
Cause then you’ll know
The Vertigo is gonna grow
Cause it’s so dangerous,
You’ll have to sign a waiver

posted October 12, 2000 09:53 AM            

Heh... it's a nice day...

(wish I'd noticed it at the time though... coulda milked it...^_^)

K'sR> I think the Devo cover of Satisfaction makes for a refreshing antidote, not only to those two covers you mentioned, but to the original itself. ^_^

BBBR> "My adidas and me close as can be" dude. ^_^ (I just dug out the wax to check, because while I didn't remember what it was, I knew there was no-one named "P" they were likely to be "askin'". ^_^

claw> I love that track. I went SO nuts when it first dropped, because not only had I forgotten about Ed's MCin' tendencies, the track was practically ABOUT me. I was watching X-Files every weekend (with no lights on... it was a neighborhood event), I'm an enormous fan of Sailor Moon (although less for the "think the wrong thing" appeal than the intense emotional rollercoaster, ingenious character development, social commentary and kawaii~~~), I have like twelve Bert Kaempfert records (and they do indeed contain some "mad hits" - his version of Caravan is out of sight)... and then he ends it off not only using the word "dangerous", but in a very turn of phrase. Word to them.

Uh now I will post some old school rap lyrics. This is one of the most important raps in my life.

Then She Bit Me
DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince
...And In This Corner

I was in a club, one Friday
A lovely lady comes walking my way
She walked up and she said "Hello"
I said "Hi... my name is Joe"
I was lyin'... so was she
She said her name was Diane but her shirt said Marie
She said "You'll get to know me, you'll never forget me"
I said "Why?"... then she bit me.
Ouch! That didn't hurt!
Kinda freaky, but she ripped my shirt.
She poisoned me and I went to sleep
Woke up at her house in the back of a Jeep
A Blazer... '89...
Tinted windows, I wish it was mine
Oh, it is. But where are my keys?
There they are... in the ignition!
I'm at her house, it's a tipi
No, it's a cabin... no, a skyscraper
No, it's an igloo... a shack
Forget it, I'll go around back
It's a castle, with a moat
How I get across? BOAT!

*dramatic whiny synthesizer*

Shit, I hate that sound.

I went inside, look right, look left
There she is! Oh, no that's Jeff. He's invisible.
I went downstairs. It's a vault
No, it's a dungeon!
There she is, doing aerobics.
No, yoga. No, that's karate.
(You killed my teacherrrr!) ...but what a body!

No, he wasn't there.
I'm telling you, I saw him.
No really, I saw him!
He was playing checkers. No, Nintendo.
Okay, I'm lying.
There she is, watching TV.
All My Children. No, that's Cosby.
No, Speed Racer! Shaft! No, that's Kimba!
...my fault, the TV's off.
There she is, what a doll...
NO, THAT'S CHUCKY FROM CHILD'S PLAY!
I kiss her and she told me this is home
I had entered a dimension called the Twilight Zone

...where anything can happen...

I'M ROUGH LIKE SANDPAPER, HARD LIKE ALGEBRA
YOU SHOULD BE GLAD THAT I WAS NICE AND I ALLOWED YOU TO
STEP ON STAGE, TO KICK YOUR RHYMES OFF
I TRIED TO BE NICE BUT YOU MISTOOK THAT FOR SOFTNESS!
NOW I'M SAYING TO HELL WITH YOUR OPINION!
WHAT I SAY GOES FROM NOW ON, THIS IS MY DOMINION!
I DARE ANY RAPPER TO STEP ON STAGE
'CAUSE IF YOU DO, YOU'LL FEEL THE FORCE OF MY RAGE
I'M ON A RAMPAGE!

Psyche! Just kiddin'
Jeff wanted to do that, but I didn't.
I thought that it would make the record dumb
I guess I wasn't wrong
Mary had a little lamb
Whose fleece was white as snow
And everywhere that Mary went
SO... did Humpty Dumpty.
Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water
Jack fell down and broke his crown
HICKORY DICKORY DOCK!

posted October 12, 2000 10:57 AM            

I knew it was wrong, i just couldn't quite make it out on the MP3 i got :P

a thousand pardons for such lyrical butchery

posted October 12, 2000 11:46 AM            

And then Tom Smith filked it.
A piece called "Five Years," about the run of Babylon 5.

*bangs head against the wall* How does he do it? How? How??!?

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-=> Toon