posted September 28, 2001 01:28 PM            

Goya's Refresco Fruit Punch Soda
There's really only one way to describe this one: a disturbing cross between cherry Kool-Aid and cherry Benadryl. When you drink it, it's reminiscent of the feeling when you stub your toe and don't feel the pain for a few seconds, but you *know* it's coming nonetheless. I swallowed a few gulps of this and felt reasonably refreshed, but suddenly it kicked back in all of its cough syrup-like glory. Then i noticed my hands were shaking, which isn't too surprising considering it has 49g of sugar. 49! That's roughly 2 Snickers bars if i'm not mistaken. Liquid Snickers bars...now there's a idea whose time has come. C-

Moxie
A friend of mine astutely described this as "liquified tree bark", and i have to say i can't think of a more apt description than that. They say you can float a quarter on top of a Guinness, but i'll bet you can float a whole roll of 'em on top of this stuff. In my opinion it's foul beyond belief, but i've seen people walking around with Moxie T-shirts in Boston. I don't know if this is something like a scar of pride or whether they actually enjoy the stuff, but it does seem to be a phenomenon in and of itself. D

Diet Faygo Frosh
Undoubtedly the scariest drink of them all, some nut actually has a website devoted to this company and its nefarious beverages (http://www.angelfire.com/tx/DarkCarnivalICP/faygo.html). I don't know how on earth they decided on "frosh" as a flavor (it's been around since 1950), but the stuff is purple and tastes like Manischewitz wine gone bad. You can only get the "frosh" flavor in diet, so if you want non-diet you have to stick to their more traditional flavors, like "moon mist". It's worth checking out their website (http://www.faygo.com) to see some of their failed flavor lines, like "Chateaux Faygeaux", which i imagine tasted something like doorstop wine mixed with paint thinner and food coloring, but perhaps i'm just too skeptical. B

Surge
To be fair, i've never tried Surge, but after watching their commercials, i never much wanted to either. They portrayed Surge drinkers as sort of deranged, coked-up maniacs who would snuff their own grandmother just to get hold of a few ounces. Too bad no one's made a soft drink out of marijuana; the commercial would be a lot calmer, involve sharing, and would probably give you a high just watching it. F

posted September 28, 2001 02:03 PM            

Smoothie King Partcularly the 40-30-30 Banana -i love this stuff like everyone else loves regular booze or heroein YUM A+

Water Maybe tasteless but sure is refreshing- alright so W.C fields says Fish F*ck in it and water always gets the short end of the stick. I'd like to see W.C. walk across the Sahara with a bottle of Jack though A

posted September 28, 2001 02:55 PM            

Vanilla Coke
Mmmmm...combining the delicious taste of vanilla with the, um, sparkly taste of Coca Cola and you've got yourself the finest thing to ever come out of the Soda Jerk era. Vanilla Coke is IT! I'd like to buy the world a vanilla Coke. You got the right one baby, uh-huh! Make Vanilla Coke Up Yours! Whoa, I gotta sit down. A

Slim Fast Strawberry Shake
Ah yes, a constant reminder that you are horribly ashamed of your weight. The taste clings to the inside of your mouth until you scrape it with those dollar store dental tools. Plus, if you take a big whiff just as you open the can...(sniff)...New Car Smell! Here it is, your entire breakfast, and it smells like your glove compartment! Plus, one Krispy Kreme and your reason for drinking it went right down the toilet (or Biffy). Still, every once in a while I buy a can as I wonder, "Is it still that bad?"

posted September 28, 2001 03:25 PM            

Looza Blackcurrant Nectar: It says it contains 30% juice, and I actually believe it. It tastes like blackcurrant, and I thank it. It's hideously expensive, and not my favourite flavour, but it's very, very good. I think it's from Belgium, a country that also makes delicious chocolate. I'll move there one day. A-

Looza Passionfruit Nectar, Blackcurrent's blond brother. This is what I imagine heaven would taste like. I would walk the three miles for the litre of it every day if I had the time. It is pure yum. A+

(I'd like to state that I'm not a deranged, coked-up maniac, and it would take much more than a few ounces before I would snuff my own grandmother.)

posted September 28, 2001 07:10 PM         

------------------
Like my diamonds? The Devil himself gave them to me...

posted September 29, 2001 03:02 AM            

All my life's values have gone out the window. Mountain Dew is the most revolting thing on the planet, I've never drunk Code Red because there's a thousand & one things like that & they all taste like someone's sprinkled two tonnes of sugar into my dad's sock drawer & liquidized the contents, but I love grenadine. More than almost anything, except chocolate, crisps, vodka, etc.

posted September 30, 2001 10:29 AM            

Edited to say: Kick ass, Cheatara...

posted September 30, 2001 05:02 PM            

Goodness, i've almost lost my scrappy-ness. Only a few more posts to go!

posted September 30, 2001 09:01 PM            

[This message has been edited for semicolonic goodness.]