posted September 10, 2001 01:23 PM            

Canadian Cities In Which I Have Lived (Or Spent Significant Time)

North Vancouver: I was born there, so I suppose when people ask "where's your hometown?" that should be the answer, but really, I can't find my way around it or even to it without assistance, so I think it no longer counts. My area was in a valley so there was a mountainous bit of scenery on all sides and it rained pretty well every freakin' day. Didn't bother me as a kid, because I didn't know there were places where you didn't have to wear plastic clothing every day, but now I think it would probably kill me. 'Sides, the commute into Vancouver proper is deadly, and I'm all about commute-free living. So, as a child: B+; as an adult: C-

Winnipeg: Moved there at 13 and remained until the day after high school graduation. People bitch about it, but I think they're people who think a prairie town is a prairie town is a prairie town, and that's just not true. I'd take Winnipeg over Regina any day, and after the Edmonton experience, I have to say Winnipeg wins. When I got my license and a modicum of supposed freedom, a good time was had by all. My neighbourhood, on the other hand, was Trixie-rife and generally Ass. So, age 12-16: C+; age 16-18: A-

Speaking of which, Edmonton: Spent last summer in Edmonton, wandering the downtown core and University district with a couple of fellow Westerners in desperate search of a nutritious veggie wrap in your choice of spinach or sundried tomato tortilla and a smoothie of some sort with a variety of herbal concotions added at $0.49 each. It didn't happen. I ate salad for two months. It was Ass. That said, I met a lot of great people, and they have the best Fringe festival in North America. Know what? Nothing makes up for starving. Gah! C-

Victoria: Now here's a picturesque, sunny little coastal city. The University (which I attended) was far-ass away from anything, but the transit system was excellent and in a small city it really doesn't matter that much. More nifty places to eat/have coffee per capita than I can imagine any other city being filled to the brim with, and a nice compact, convenient downtown distric-HOLY CRAP WHERE DID ALL THESE PEOPLE COME FROM? THAT TOUR BUS JUST RAN OVER MY FOOT! WHICH WAS STEPPING IN HORSE DOODY FROM THE OH-SO-EFFIN-QUAINT TOUR CARRIAGE! LOOK, I DON'T KNOW WHERE EMILY CARR'S HOUSE IS! WHY DO YOU NEED A PICTURE OF ME WHEN I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU? CAN'T YOU PEOPLE JUST LEAVE ME IN PEACE?!? Ahem... A, except from March through September with a brief stint around Christmas, when C-

Nanaimo: Yes, where the bars come from. My parents live here. I do not. I merely visit them, and their more-malls-per-capita-than-any-other-North-American-city, because besides drink and grow tall hair what the hell else do you do in freaking Nanaimo? So long as that's eternally clear, C

Toronto: City of Ambivalence. It smells, but there's lots to do here. There are many fine places to eat, but half of them think fish is a vegetable. The business community is evil incarnate, but I'm making twice what I did in Vic. The transit-enabled commute is short, but no length of time is too little time to spend with your face crammed in a stranger's armpit. Also, I'm melting. Argh. A-, but possibly D

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[GL] Hmm. Nap or rampage?