posted January 24, 2001 03:42 AM            

3B & 3T (Rock-Eira-Rock)
Oh what a hopelessly convoluted route in the shape of a squashed figure 8. Trams going in opposite directions are given distinguishing letters - but who can ever remember which is which? Absolutely the best route for all visitors because of the loudspeaker commentary pointing out all places of interest along the way back to where you started from. And visitors also get the chance to acquaint themselves with the winos and mentally deranged who often infest the rear of the Number Three. Handy for transport to the other passenger harbour from the station and between subway stations. Best route to hear foreign languages spoken and to have your photo taken by a Japanese tourist. Rating: B

6 (Arabia-Sandwick)
This line exists to prove that even walking can be quicker in the town centre. It stops to pick up the odd passenger between sets of traffic lights along Bulevard and Mannerheim Street and then gets stuck at the next red. About twenty-seven times. Has an entirely fictional timetable as a result. OK for linking the far-flung reaches of Tavastia Road and the new hitech media centre at Arabia with the town centre - but so do fifty bus routes and the subway. Pretty much a waste of electricity. Rating: D

7 (Exhibition Centre-Crownfield-Town Centre)
Another circular route. The enforced recent detour via the Cathedral due to roadworks proved so popular that it was made permanent! Hurrah for people power! So the 7 serves the main shopping and business district as well as the National Museum and Finlandia Hall. Great for transfers to three subway stations and the mainline station, as well as a comfortable ride to the main library and Exhibition Hall. Rating: has to be A

10 (Hope Bay-Surgical Clinic)
Helsinki's first attempt at rapid transit! The tracks were relaid along a reserved strip down the middle of the road with passenger boarding platforms alongside. The idea spread to all the other routes in the 1960s. Got the first new supertrams last summer - German-built low-floor multi-articulated rolling stock featuring - horrors! - European-style seating which forces miserable ugly commuters to look at each other first thing each morning. It's more than my stomach could bear, let me tell you. Interesting new residential architecture around the northern terminus including a 11-storey pyramid. Southern terminus could be situated at a more heavily used site rather than outside a rather minor hospital. But handy for the free concerts in Well Park in summer. Rating: B

(All placenames translated into English for personal amusement and for your reading convenience.)

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Déjà nu - the phenomenon of visiting a place for the first time but feeling you've been there before, naked